I am thankful

Today I feel so thankful! Even though life has been and uphill battle lately, I feel stronger and more capable then ever before. I believe it is because I have had to look deep within myself and go to a place I never knew existed. I know it is also because of the amazing people I have been blessed with in my life. I have never felt so thankful in my life. My friends, family and boyfriend are truly amazing. Words cant begin to describe how all of the people in my life have helped me through every minute of these crazy times. No one has faultered you are all my rocks, who have and continue to stand by me and my family through every important step of our lives. You give me courage and strength, I know that when I am about to fall that you will be there to catch me. You always have perfect timing, you know me inside and out, you are part of my soul, and you love me through it all. YOU meaning those people (you know who you are), it doesnt matter if we talk everyday or once a year, you mean so much to me and I love you.

Letting go

Soon after his birthday Kindrick came to us with his bike and said "I'm 5 now I'm ready to take these tiny wheels off!"  We were like OK then lets do it!  So Andre took the training wheels off and we were ready to go.  I thought for sure that it would take lots of practice, and many falls before he would figure it out.  I remember learning how to ride my bike....I had so many bumps and bruises.  Come to think of it I guess that is not a big surprise especially since I learned on a gravel driveway in Alaska with pot holes the size of kiddie pools.  Anyway, I was all prepared for frustration and tears, but I was totally wrong.  He got it on his on the first try!  I did not want to let go of the bike and he was like "MOM let got!!!"  Once I let go of the bike I kept ahold of his sweatshirt, of course he also did not like that.  It was so hard for me to let him go!  The fear of him falling, of me having no control of his safety (besides the helmet, elbow pads, wrist pads, and knee pads I had strapped on him), it was really hard.  I guess it transcends into so many areas of motherhood.  There are so many times in our lives as mothers that we have to let go and give our children the opportunity to do things on their own.  Riding a bike or sending them off on their first day of school, it is all so scary and also exciting.  I noticed that each day that Kindrick rides his bike I start to become more comfortable with it, I feel more secure and less afraid of him getting hurt.  In stead of us running beside him just in case he starts to tip over, now we are starting to stand back and watch.  It is fun to see him be independent and proud of his success.  When he sees that we have faith in him to do it alone he begins to have more confidence in himself.  Just a small lesson to consider in this journey of being a parent.  

Perfect Bliss

Today was so beautiful it was crisp and clear out, the sun was shining and the air felt so refreshing.  As I went outside this morning I immediately had the most overwhelming feeling brought on by some of the best memories of my life thus far. It took me to the the early mornings when my dad and I wake up at the crack of dawn to go snowboarding. We meet in the driveway connecting our two homes, his truck always already started and warmed up, throw our gear in the back and head on our way.  Radio always tuned  to KUPL country, wave goodbye to my mom if she was awake and off we were.  I love these mornings, no matter how much sleep I got the night before or how tired I am it never matters.  We always have our same routine...stop at brewed awakenings for my coffee and dads smoothie, then when we hit Gresham we get breakfast at McDonald's.  There is really never talk of this plan we both just know that's what we do.  Some days we both have plenty to say, lots to catch up on and thoughts about life.  Other days we are quiet just listening to the radio, both singing when a song we like comes on.  Never any pressure to start conversation if it isn't there, just the perfect comfort of our ride to the mountain.  I love pulling into the parking lot, looking at the beauty that awaits us for the rest of the day.  We both always get excited, its dorky, our enthusiasm for the day ahead is something neither of us can hold back.  Dad got a helmet last year and has not stopped bugging me about when I'm going to do the same, so no matter what I get a tiny lecture about my safety, and how important it is.  We always just both smile, I shrug and we are off.  I love the first run of the day. You are getting your feel for what the mountain is going to give you that day, what is the snow like, how is the terrain, are you going to be on your game that day or is it a clumsy day, or in my dad and my cases are we going to break anything today?????  We are the perfect partners on the slopes, we know what each other are going to do and we never got lost from each other.  When we fall we laugh, we laugh hard!  I can hear my dads laugh perfectly even with him across the world from me, I see his face, the pure joy in his eyes.  It is so clear I feel like he is in front of me, I wish I could be laughing with him.  Looking into eyes that look so much like my own, seeing the man who has given me so many of his traits, and seeing his bliss.  Moments when he has no worries, no phone to answer, he has nothing to do but take it all in, we are just in our own world together father and daughter.