In need of advise
Dont be to shocked to see that I am actually posting to my blog!! I cant even believe that I remembered my password to tell you the truth. Oh it feels so good to be home and even better to embark on this new journey together as a family! I honestly did not think it would feel much different once we were married but it does in so many ways. There is a new level of respect, stability, love and investment into our futures together. The kids seem to feel it to, they were close to Andre already but the bond seems to be running even deeper. We all have a sense of being just that much more complete and it is perfect.
I know you would assume that my first new blog would be all about our wedding and honeymoon, however I have something so big that is more important then anything to me. So school has began and Kimber is now in 4th grade. As many of you know she has had problems both academically and socially in school. She is such a special little person and some people just dont get her. I know for a fact that when she gets older this will be a trait that will be appreciated by many. Even she has made the comment "I know im different then everybody else and sometimes they think Im weird but when we grow up they will all be the same and I will be unique" I personally still have difficulties understanding stuff like that and there it comes out of the mouth of a nine year old. Until last year Kimber really struggled to make friends and it has been extremely hard for her and for me. It is very painful to see your child hurting and feel helpless to make it better. She finally made a best friend that was her perfect match. Dani is her name and they truly are the cutest of friends. Once she found a companion she seemed to gain confidence not only socially but in class as well and I was so hopeful that things in school were looking up for her. She continued to be behind all year even though she was put in a special class for kids with learning difficulties. But overall the year was much better then the last 3. When my dad was sick, Dani and her family were a huge support for Kimber and for our family. She really found a person she could be herself with and that was from a great family. The day before school started my mom called Dani's mom to ask if they wanted to carpool because that is what we had always done the previous year (my mom was doing the calling because we were still on our honeymoon at this time). To all of our surprise her mother told my mom that she had taken a job in Spokane where their family was from and that Dani would not be coming back! As much as we are so happy for them to be near their family, which is something they had been hoping for for a long time, the devastation to Kimber is tearing me up. She spent hours alone in her room bawling, she told us that "her heart already had a hole in it from losing my dad and how could this happen to her", she continued with saying "that now she had NO one plus she was stupid and would never have friends or be good at school". I have never felt so much pain for one of my kids, it truly hurt to the depth of my soul. She has been so strong about it, she is trying to go to school with a positive attitude and make other friends but you can just see that she feels empty. Also she has realized that she just isnt capable of learning the way the other kids in her grade do. She told me last night that"when she is listening to the lesson she feels like it makes sense, but when she tries to do it her brain just wont work right". She also asked me the other day how she would ever be in life because people who are smart go to college to get a good job and that she isnt smart enough to go to college. She asked me why she cant learn when she tries so hard?? I want desperately to tell her I have the answers and I will solve it all. The truth is that I dont know what to do. I told her that I will do everything in my power to help her find a way to learn better, and that she can do anything in this world she wants to. We talked about how their are some people who are super good and math and reading and then there are those who create the art that makes our world so beautiful and unique. She is such a pure little soul and I do not want her self esteem to deteriorate so much that she begins to lose the spirit she has. We have gone to her pediatrician, dornbecher has diagnosed her with ADHD but said its not serious enough to medicate, we just need to find creative ways to teach her (even if they wanted to medicate I would not at this point), her teachers at school and specialists all adore her but are at a lose of how to pull the part of her out that will start to grasp things. We do extra work at home....none of it seems to be working. I am reaching out to anyone who may have any suggestions, or know someone who has dealt with a similar situation. I cannot stand by and watch her fall through the cracks, or start feeling bad about herself. We are lucky enough to have amazing friends and family in our lives and I hope through that we can start to find some answers and avenues to take.
posted by April Silvery at
9:00 AM
5 Comments:
Advice...o.k. here we go. Take or leave the suggestions. I know for a fact that Herman could equip her with some tools to handle the self-talk. You need to help her NOT label herself. There is no right answer for all of this because she is going to find what works for her. You can only continue to give her the tools to handle all that is coming her way. She has one of the most beautiful souls that I have ever witnessed in a child and she has to keep having faith that things will get better and that SHE is control of how she feels. As far as the friend...if she isn't gone yet, they could go to build-a-bear and make one for each other and put a message in it so she can hear her voice. She have a great pen pal (journal) to write to as long as they wish. It's going to get better and you're doing all the right things. Just continue to let her FEEL and not suppress. Continue to tap into new sources of help. She needs to get back to finding her confidence. She is so strong and she is going to be o.k....better than o.k:) One day at a time.
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Okay, we have already talked about this all, so no public advice needed, but I do want to commend you for sitting down, writing, and reaching out. I just feel like you need to get out there and be heard. There is something out there that will help her, I just know it. I love that you are writing and also, on a side note, love that picture of you and the kids... cute. :)
Hey you. I must echo the excitement that you are writing and reaching out. I can't say that I feel like I have any good advice, as I'm not there yet with my kids and don't know what it feels like for them to have school, friends, etc. What I do feel in my heart, might unfortunately sound like a cliche, but I truly believe that things happen for a reason. A reason that may be unknown right now, or seem unfair, but there IS such a purpose and place for Kimber in our world. She is a very special light, and I know that as Kathy said, she is going to be better than ok. It might be a long and painful road at times to get there, but one day it will be evident to her that she was on that path for a reason. I think you are doing all of the right things too, and I think you are SO good at the most important thing, which is talking with her and fostering that close-knit family relationship for her.
My my, such wonderful advice from everyone so far! I commend you for writing your thoughts down. Isn't it amazing what kind of reflection happens when you write things down? I admire your courage for writing that post. For me, when I write, that means it is official. It is out in the open, not necessarily for others to see, but for me to see. I hope you reread your post over and over and see how lucky Kimber is to have you! You are looking right at her strength and bridge to get through this. YOU! Mothers are chosen for their children long before we know we are going to have children. I truly believe, like Kimber, you posses the gifts to guide, protect, and do what is best for her. Use this blog as your sounding board and reflection. April, Kimber will be OK and PERFECT! My advice, though it may be too churchy--get down on those knees of yours and say a pray to GOD who chose Kimber for you and ask for his guidance and support. You will always do right by Kimber and Kimber, who has a spirit about her like non other will learn the most important lesson of life--each of us has a purpose! Both of you are so strong and she is so lucky to have a mom that cares! You will find that will be her greatest gift from you.
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