Missing Dad

Tonight I was going through pictures picking ones that I wanted to print and get framed. My process was sent in another direction when I came across a folder titled bobbum (in case you dont know that is what the kids and our family called my dad). There were many pics, some when he was ill and many from years back. Even though it has been almost 8 months I still find myself staring at pictures as hard as I can in attempt to force the reality that he is gone into my head. I go about life each day, I think I am doing well....then I question myself. Are you really doing Ok?? Do you cry enough? Do you think about him enough? Are you talking about him enough so the kids continue to remember him? Are you being there as much as your mom needs you? Would he be proud of me? How can I live in a way that honors him? How can I feel whole again? This process has no rules, no manual and it is damn hard. Today I just miss him. Simple without any complicated meaning. Just the deep down to my soul feeling of missing my dad, and wondering how my life would be if he was still here. I guess I just felt like putting some of my favorite pictures up would feel good.

What a day this was....Its weird looking back now how we tried to make things feel as normal as possible even though we were all in so much pain and absolutely terrified for our future.

Some of my best memories of my dad were our days on the water. I always used to beam with pride at how active my dad was. He always challenged me to keep up with him, and it wasn't easy. On these days he was truly happy and free.
Anyone who knew my dad would laugh at this picture. This was the face and demeanor he had when he was giddy and happy to be away with his family. When you could catch him in this mood it was so fun, he acted goofy and totally enjoyed himself an his loved ones.


My kids softened my dads heart in ways I never thought was possible. Watching them and him together was and will always be some of my most memorable moments. I feel the most angry when I think about him not being there to see them grow up. I can only pray that the things he taught them will forever be in their little hearts.


Accident prone daredevils is never the best combination! Either way I love that I will forever carry on my Dads enthusiasm for life and adventure.